It’s been awhile. You’ve taken the time to reflect and heal following the divorce or major split and feel ready to start dating again. But where do you begin? How do you get back out there?  The very first step in getting your mojo back is getting into the mindset. Here are four ways to help open your life up to dating again.

1. Do something you love and find your tribe

If you were in a relationship for a long time, it is inevitable that at least a portion of your identity was wrapped up in who were as a couple. Look around. Are most of your friendships and relationships with other couples? If you haven’t already, connect or re-connect with those that get it and get you in this stage of life — other singles. They will likely become your new companions, your partners in crime.

So what is the easiest way to expand your social circle at any age? Do something you love. In unravelling the layers of identify that you held as a couple and getting to the core of who you are as an individual, you may uncover passions that have been long buried. Now is the time to rediscover them.  Take that writing course, or learn to scuba dive. Not only is it necessary as part of the process of getting back to you, but you’ll find that connections and friendships will just naturally grow from shared experiences.

2. Change it up

“Mojo” is just confidence. Are you feeling it? If not, maybe it is time for a bit of an overhaul. What makes you feel confident? Getting back into shape? Come up with a plan to make it happen. Maybe the old clothes are not fitting the bill? When shopping, think about what you would want to wear on a first date. What clothes make you feel the most confident (and comfortable)? Buy that. Love your hair short, but always wore it long because your partner liked it? Get it cut. There is so much necessary change, discovery and growth taking place on the inside. Make sure it’s reflected on the outside as well.

3. Say yes

Make yes the default, not no. It’s really easy to turn down invitations to events or social situations that might make you feel uncomfortable. View them instead as immense opportunities to connect with people you normally wouldn’t meet. That connection with others is what will keep you going and move you forward. And trust me, that initial uncomfortable feeling will always pass.

4. Know that opportunity is all around you

Most mornings we get into work mode. We put on our work clothes and think about the tasks that lay ahead. But how about adding a new mindset and setting a new intention? That you will be open to the opportunities that are all around you to connect with others, those you know and those you don’t. At work, at the grocery store, in the Starbucks lineup, and at the gym. It’s really just about being present and engaging with everyone you meet. But no pressure. This is just connection for the sake of connection. It’s really that simple.